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I signed up for Jude’s class titled “Cloth to Cloth” and am having the best time! It is just what I needed to get me going again. Sunday I decided to dedicate my afternoon to creating something so I would be able to learn this technique. I washed all the fabrics, cut them into strips, chose an old tablecloth for the backing and then just started weaving.

For this piece I chose all vintage Japanese cottons and added a couple of old homespun blue and whites plus a German floral from the 1930′s. This is such a liberating technique and Jude’s way of conducting a class is so filled with inspiration and different ways of approaching a process. This is one of the many remarkable qualities about her. She loves people to explore other possibilities and re-define approaches. If you ever get a chance to take one of her online workshops I highly recommend it. The other fun part is being able to see how everyone else creates within this open framework of experimentation.

And of course just as I was a third of the way done with my weaving, Willie decided he wanted to be in the middle of my playtime too. I accepted his help.

Now back to my work….the lampshades.

Slow Living

When my husband and I were in Mendocino for the month, we had clear objectives: paint the garage, tend to the garden with new gravel and mulch, weed and trim the beds, as well as feed the roses. One evening I said, “Let’s spend one day doing something completely indulgent. We can fix a picnic lunch, drive to the Anderson Valley, and go wine tasting.” Basically, I wanted to live like a tourist for just one single day. It was heaven. I think we all need to give ourselves permission to have this kind of a day every so often, a day of slow living, an unstructured day without a list or a goal to be accomplished. I have been contemplating a blog with a different format, but am not exactly sure how to recreate a slow life in a fast-paced environment of the internet. I am mulling this over for now.

Thank you for all of your comments on my last post. I have decided to not answer each of you individually, but want you to know that I cherish your ideas, support, and wisdom. Until I can get back, please know you are all in my thoughts more often than you can comprehend.

I just returned to Portland last night. I was awakened early this morning at 5:15 to the stream of light coming through the bedroom window. Then I remembered how much further north Portland is than Mendocino, and it gets lighter here so much earlier. Willie, my youngest kitty, decided it was time to get up too as he came and stretched over me and stared into my eyes. I acquiesced and headed down the stairs to make coffee, feed the cats, and bring in the morning paper. I have much to think about now that I am home.

I listened to an audio of Phyllis Theroux’s book, The Journal Keeper on the trip back to Oregon yesterday. It gave me many things to think about as I drove. For one, I have a very full life the next few months. I am trying to get a small business launched, my lampshades. I also have another grandchild on the way, a grandson due the end of July. And I have agreed to take care of our three grandchildren for several weeks in July before the new grandbaby arrives. In the meantime, we have two sets of company coming for visits as well as the garden here that now needs much work. I am feeling overwhelmed.

So as I was listening to this wise, tender, and thoughtful reading of this book by Phyllis, I was thinking a great deal about my own life and how much I am yearning for more time in my life to do the things that I love most: reading, sewing, and gardening. I have found, increasingly less time for all of these. It has become a daily frustration. At my age and place in my life, I thought I would have lots of time for all of these things, that somehow life would slow down a little and there would be more balance for the passions that restore and define me. Alas, it has not been the case, especially as of late.

I long for a contemplative life. I realized I am a little like Phyllis Theroux in that regard. When I do not have time for quiet and thoughtful and solitary pursuits, I come a little unglued. My husband made a comment to me a few days ago. He said, “Do you know what your affliction is? Your brain races faster than your body can keep up.” I think this is true, but I also believe that because of this I need more space to be off by myself, to collect my thoughts and organize them. I crave solitude sometimes in a way that many people might crave company.

I have to admit, blogging has really been absorbing much of my time, and when I am not posting or visiting and commenting on other blogs, I am feeling a little burdened with guilt. I have tried to reason that this is not the way to maintain a blog with this obligatory sense, but I simply cannot get beyond that feeling of responsibility for it. Therefore, I am not altogether sure if I will carry on with this avenue of expression. I am going to give myself a little time to think this over before I make any decision. However, I will more than likely not be present here for awhile until I figure this out. I have loved the interaction with everyone, but I now need some time to explore just what it is I need to do with this communication in the future. I hope everyone will understand my dilemma. In due time, I will return with some thoughts and some kind of a resolution. May all of you have a very special Mother’s Day weekend.

When my husband and I moved up to Portland from Mendocino almost five years ago, I had to leave behind one of my favorite pastimes, an outdoor antique and collectible market the first Sunday of every month. It is held in Alameda at the old naval air stations right across the bay from San Francisco that can be seen in the background. I zoomed in with my camera for a better shot.

In this photo you can see a broader site of the city with the Bay Bridge and The Transamerica Building (pointed one) in the background. When I lived closer, I hardly ever missed a month at this sale. My favorite part was getting up at 5 AM, particularly in the winter, and getting to the gate at opening time at 6 AM. It was the perfect moment, filled with anticipation, exhilaration, and excitement. It was as good as going on an early morning hike for me. Everyone would be out there in the chilly weather with flashlights and hot coffee roaming around watching sellers set up. For buyers? Well, we all hoped we would find the treasure and deal that would make our day before the rest of the masses arrived around 7:30 and then 9:00. I always liked identifying with the earliest group because it felt like we were a select, hardy, and eager lot, weathering the cold and the dark for the same exuberant reasons. I guess you could also say it was and is in our blood, this obsession, this thrill-of-the-hunt.

However, I did not get there this time until 8 AM as I had not slept nearly all night just anticipating the event. When I walked in near the front entrance, I met this remarkable woman who has a business called “Danski Beautiful Clothes – art to wear.” She lives in Ojai, California, and her designs are really works of art. In talking to her briefly she told me she has no formal training but has taught sewing and designing to others. She also told me that she did not feel hindered or encumbered by rules because of this. Her creative process is very instinctive, simply a part of who she is, and she is very deeply connected to this as one can see by her designs. Her creative process, she said, was one of freedom, without constraints. Would I ever love to emulate this process, to let go of the shackles once and for all.

Every piece is exceptional. I wanted to buy something, but I came with other objectives, to buy for my pending business, and I had to be very disciplined. I will save money for the next time if she still keeps coming to the show. I have a feeling that she is launching her business at Alameda as many people do. It is a great place to get exposure, and she said that this year is her year for finally being recognized and achieving some success, that people are finally “getting” her clothing. This is quite an accomplishment given an economy that is quite difficult. I think she will definitely be someone to watch. She gave me her business card, but it did not have her name on it. I will keep you posted on her work when I find more about her in the future.

I did not buy anything from this seller, but I thought she had a fun display.

This woman had a business called “Amy Lee Buttons,” and she sold a variety of wonderful things: old and newer fabric, laces, patterns and more buttons than you could ever absorb in a day. I purchased a card of buttons, some lace, 3 vintage patterns, and the older pieces below.

What I love most about the hunt is meeting the most wonderful younger and older women who go there to sell. They are all selling what they are passionate about, and it is fun to meet them and share stories and see what inspires them to come and sell at this venue that, at times, can be grueling given the often windy weather, the hours, the work involved in a one-day set-up, the crowds, and I am sure the shoplifting that is always a concern for many. I admire all of them, and have a great respect for their efforts and ambition. I sold there once and can tell you from personal experience it is not for the faint-hearted.

Put a beautiful floral chintz in front of me, and I will melt, especially if it has a bit of chinoiserie as well as birds. This woman has an antique shop but comes to sell some of her collections at Alameda too. What I will do with this? Many plans.

I intend to do one more post on this subject, and then I will get back to part II of “Embracing Femininity,” as I had promised.

Mendocino as seen from a distance….

In less than an hour I will be driving to San Francisco in order to get up early for the outdoor market in Alameda tomorrow. I will be home late afternoon the same day. I have read your comments on my last post, and I have to say they have given me so much to think about. I am so attached to all of you in so many ways. All the comments were thoughtful, wise, and strong. What an incredible group of women you all are. I can hardly wait to sit down and respond to each of you individually. Thank you so much for reading this lengthy post. I will try and get back to all of you this evening. I feel so fortunate to know all of you. You are a true inspiration in so many ways!

As I get older I become more set in my ways. Some are tolerable, as viewed by others, something I often find amusing. However, parts of me, huge parts are more personal. I view these as having been with me for a lifetime. In other words they seem so entrenched in my being it would be difficult for me to change any of them. I wear these ideas as if they were my skin. Perhaps they are just this. Maybe they are even part of my DNA. That said, I am not looking for an excuse to make the following pronouncement. I love being feminine!

For many years, especially during the ’80′s, I read lots of feminist literature, some very radical and forward-thinking. I focused on this subject because I truly believed that women should be equal in every way, especially in terms of education and career opportunities. I still believe this. I think women should be able to have as many degrees as they want and also grab any and all careers that they are yearning to master. Maybe this is a worn out subject, so I will not go any further with the politics of this. What prompted me to write on this subject was a comment I received awhile back from an Italian woman, Angela, who lives in Rome. She had seen my post on “Clothing for Us” and was kind enough to leave a very insightful comment. I could not forget what she said and how it suddenly took me back to the women’s movement in the early ’60′s and where we have gone, as women and men in our thinking. Some of it seems to have backfired in quite a number of ways.

Here is Angela’s comment:
“What a pleasure and comfort to find a blog like yours. I especially agree with the ‘age renaissance’, our wish for a rebirth after a life spent to seduce, attract, be conformed, respond to other’s demands. The elder age is finally for us, but free from the horrible grey, brown, black. I live in Rome, I’m Italian, and I feel that our sense of elegance cannot be expressed only through colors which deprive us of our fullness of life, here color is something transgressive, if chosen by an older lady. I’ve decided to not dye my hair anymore, and people are really astonished. But I’m feeling great!”

What shocked me about Angela’s comment was that her culture has not moved one bit from a female bias against aging women. I know in our country it is still a problem and, further, in another correspondence I had with Angela, she informed me that sewing and craft were not something that women would promote because it was not seen as “intellectual”. I was hoping this idea was changing since I see sewing coming back and women embracing this as a hobby or as a small business venture. Perhaps other countries are or will never see this as an avenue for women to find pride or comfort or a livelihood. However, there is too much discrepancy in our politics as women. We need to support all women in whatever field or form of living that we decide to express. That is true feminism.

So what are we born to be…..scientists, doctors, lawyers, engineers, educators (teachers), social workers, nurses, politicians? Is everything else considered beneath us….full-time mothers, actresses, artists, writers, seamstresses, quilt makers, gardeners ((and not always master gardeners), weavers……I have been tormented with these thoughts for years now. When Angela came to me and disclosed her feelings, I was grateful and yet saddened.

I find these early photos of my granddaughter so refreshing. Would you guess she was boy in the first one? I doubt it. In the second, she is what she is today and yet most parents have a fear of femininity, as if it is a curse. Sarah, my granddaughter, has
always been drawn to whatever is frilly, pink, or girlish and soft. Is this alarming to me that she perhaps will not be able to make it in the world of tough business and intellectual debate? Absolutely not. Will I gasp in horror if she decides she wants to learn how to sew or knit? Never.

About twelve years ago when my husband and I were buying a condominium in San Francisco, the real estate agent asked me what I did for a living. At the time I was not working since we had just re-located due to a transfer with my husband’s company. (Yes, I know I moved for him, but this is sometimes a balanced option for two people in a marriage.) I told her I was sewing and gardening a lot in Mendocino until we could settle in the city again. She was shocked that I would even admit to sewing. She made it perfectly clear that she never learned to sew a button on clothing because she would never admit to anyone that she even knew how to sew. To her it was considered a handicap. I have never forgotten this encounter and how it seemed to exemplify how women in Western culture have limited their options as well as their assets by refuting anything that might suggest a feminine liability. I find this both disheartening and alarming.

This subject was so huge, I hardly knew how to grasp it. I decided to begin with this part and then explore in the next segment how women can and need to retrieve the other parts of themselves that seem to have been thrown out with the lace and the softness.

Artist: Adolphe-William Bouguereau

I finished my linen blouse today. I am usually very critical about all results. It fits perfectly. I love the linen. It was a dream to handle and sew. I love the vintage lace trims and the buttons are little gems. So what is my complaint? The ruffle worked well, and the pattern had a fine way of working it in with the binding. However, I am not sure I would do the ruffle again. I am feeling a little ambivalent about this application. Why? Linen is one fabric that speaks its own language. Fine laces and antique buttons are a natural for embellishment, but with linen, its beauty and magical touch and weight speak volumes about being just there as it is. Natural beauty is easily recognized.

With that said, I think this would be a great summer blouse with a simple linen skirt or a pair of cropped pants and fun sandals and definitely a great necklace, but not pearls. Too demure. It needs to be offset with something more earthy.

About a week ago, I cut out this skirt. This is the front piece. I have had this for awhile. It is one that I purchased from Brigette Singh from a post I mentioned earlier. Maybe it matches the blouse too well. Maybe I need a little off-beat color. I will have to experiment a bit and see what prevails. I am trying to live out-of-the-box these days, so this will be experimental.

These are the buttons I chose. I think they are quite old. I pick up vintage and antique buttons on a regular basis, so when I open my box of buttons, I know something will sing with the color and the fabric. This was an easy decision.

This is the front with the ties hanging down. I love this pattern and will use it again. It is 10 years old, and this company is no longer in business. I believe it was originally a British company. I always loved their designs, and they had the most beautiful dresses I have ever come across. I have kept all their patterns because of the unique and feminine style.

Sometimes I will go to bed with a stack of patterns instead of my usual book. I cannot go to sleep until I read something that takes me to a better feeling in my mind and heart. Some days bedtime is easy. Other times, there is a need to find peace, a little comfort. Last night I took my patterns to bed. I have a routine for reading them. I will look at the date, the view of the one l like, the amount for yardage. Then I will take out the instruction sheet and study the pieces, the layout, and the changes I will make. When I am through putting the pieces back in the envelope, I am quite confident what fabric I will use and how I will alter the pattern. It is perfect for dreaming into the night as I turn the light off and hope for honest rest.

I have been thinking a lot lately about sewing, what it means to me now and really what it has meant to me since I was seventeen years old. It is not a small thing. It has been and is a huge part of my life, and as I get older, I am finding that, increasingly, it has become my serenity, my special and treasured part of each day. I am not romanticizing this. I absolutely love holding a piece of fabric in my hands and molding it into a garment, a quilt, or a curtain. It does not really matter what the end product, the act of sewing and creating has been a sustaining force my entire life. It is what I have turned to for joy, comfort, or release from sorrow. It gives me peace, a sense of security, and an immense joy in my constant craving for solitude, a quiet and yearning quest for the noise to stop, the noise in my head and the noise on the street. It rightfully has been a life-long love affair.

I showed this quilt so long ago, but it was my first and done in the early ’80′s. It was created in the middle of my sewing evolution as well as a transition from clothing to quilts. My next post will address the feminist issues that prompted this quilt and how I assimilated these revolutionary ideas into my life and how they have changed the women of the present generation, my daughters. Much has happened and transpired. There is a plethora of reading material on this subject. I will address my viewpoint from a more personal perspective and the importance of craft and hand-work.

For Elspeth

For Elspeth Thompson who passed away March 25, 2010.

Morning Beach Walk

When I am in Mendocino, I start every morning with a walk down to the headlands and across to the stairs down to the beach. No matter what the weather: sun, clouds, pouring rain, or wild winds, I am destined for the beach. It is the one constant in my routine when I am here. Usually it is after my first cup of coffee and my half hour reading time.

This time of year there are many flowers in bloom. Come late August and September, all the blackberry bushes have ripening fruit, and it is always hard to resist nibbling fruit along the path.

Over the years, I have learned much about the tides and the changing appearance of the ocean. Some mornings, the ocean is almost as flat as a lake or there is little beach left for walking. This morning I could walk way out beyond where I usually do and could peer into caves and look down and see the way the ocean had sculpted the sand beneath.

Occasionally I will find a dead seal or other wildlife, a reminder that life is very dear….and short. We never know if this might be one of our last days, so although sad and sobering to witness, it also reminds me to view the day ahead of me as a gift to cherish. (Note: I talked to my youngest daughter today, and she said she enjoyed looking at the beach and remembering the times we have walked here together, but she was a little taken back by this photo of the bird. Something tells me to keep it here, but another part of me says to remove it because it is harsh. I think life is harsh sometimes, and I think that the way we treat animals and wildlife is harsh on a regular basis. I think this is a reminder to be more caring and gentle and aware.)

Then there is the sign on the restroom door to remind me that it is my job to be a steward of the park, that I need to take responsibility for its care and litter-free condition. Every state is facing these budget cuts, and now it is up to citizens to pay better attention and help care for these very special places we have taken for granted.

…….so we can all continue to enjoy these parks.

Even some of the paths are eroding. There is always maintenance it seems.

As I head down my street, planning my day, I realize I am a bit behind with comments to others, emails, and visiting other sites as well. We have had unexpected guests since Wednesday evening and tomorrow my brother arrives for a visit. I have two skirts cut out and ideas for other projects I brought, but it will all be managed in due time. I also have a post in my head that keeps urging me to focus and write about it. I will in a day or so. I have so much on my mind in terms of women, our work, our worth, and how we can exist with strength and courage to be exactly who we are and what we deem important personally and universally. It seems a huge subject, but one that is occupying my mind and my heart these days. I will be back here soon.

Mendocino Time

We traveled back to Mendocino, California yesterday from Portland, Oregon, a twelve hour drive with stops for gas, rest rooms, and a picnic lunch. The three cats in their cages were so well-behaved this time. I think they knew they were headed to the place they love most. I took this photo just as we arrived at the Pacific Ocean on Highway 1 around 8:00 PM. From here we had about another 55 minutes before we pulled up in front of our little house.

From time-to-time I am asked about life here in Mendocino. I have never really shared the story of how I came to live here, so I decided I would describe the house and a little personal history. When people who are familiar with the area realize you live in Mendocino, a small town on the Pacific Ocean about three and a half hours north of San Francisco, they always ask if you live “in the village.” Well, we do, on a street directly east of the ocean.

This is a partial view of the village from my husband’s upstairs study.

I met my husband about 14 years ago, after I had moved to San Francisco from Ashland, Oregon. Shortly after our meeting, he brought me to Mendocino so he could introduce me to the town and see the house he owned. At the time he was working in Oakland just across the bay from San Francisco, but he would travel north on weekends to this coastal town whenever he could manage. I had never been here, but had heard of it and recalled it as a regular location for some famous movies as well as a well-known hippie town. My first visit was a bit underwhelming. I loved the beauty, but the town itself seemed a bit rough around the edges. Now, over time, it has become a little too refined, and I long for the days when it seemed less trendy.

Over the years, I have put much into the house and garden. I have wallpapered every room with the exception of the tiny kitchen, bathroom, my husband’s study, and what we call “our reading room.” Wallpaper is my weakness, and I think this is because it is so close in appearance to textiles. This room above is the main living area with the kitchen just behind.

This is the downstairs bedroom, and we use it as a guest room. Our stairs are pretty steep and not conducive to easy access for guests to the only bathroom we all share which is downstairs off this bedroom.

The dining room actually was the living room when I first visited. Later we remodeled and what was once the large kitchen became the living room, and the laundry room became the small kitchen.

When I was deciding on the kitchen colors I was inspired by a room I had seen in The World of Interiors that used many colors in the small space. I chose seven colors, but my favorite is the blue that frames the window looking out on the back garden.

The stairs, as I have said, are a bit treacherous. I think we have all taken our turns falling down them at one time or another without injury, and that is quite remarkable.

This photo was taken in the morning without the flash.

This photo was taken late afternoon with a flash. The sun is always brighter in this room in the late afternoon.

This is our bedroom off my husband’s study upstairs. Of all the bedrooms of my entire life, this is my favorite. It is so immensely comforting going up here to bed. It reminds me of sleeping in a gift box turned outside in. There is not a place on earth that could compare to its coziness, comfort, and enveloping cocoon quality. This brings me to another distinction of this house. It has never been pretentious, particularly as seen from the street. I think this is why people love to stay here. It has this warmth and a kind of soft feeling, an embrace, once you enter. This has nothing to do with decorations. Any one who has ever lived here, even when it was in its most pared-down state, has always commented on the “heart” that one feels here. And I have to admit when family comes to stay, we all have a hard time getting out of our pajamas much before noon or even sometimes by three in the afternoon. We joke about it whenever we congregate here, but we are always quick to defend our right to melt into the rooms.

This is a view of the back out the bedroom window. In the distance is the little house I have shown previously and the garage that is off to the left. It was moved further back off the street before my husband bought the house, and now we use it for our laundry area as well as gardening tools and storage.

This was once a third bedroom, but when my husband retired and we moved to Mendocino full-time some years ago, we turned it into a “reading room” because it faces west and the quality of the light in this room is so breathtaking, we simply wanted to spend more time there. For years it had been painted white over layers and layers of wallpaper. A few years ago, I peeled and stripped the paper off and painted it the original color that it had been many years ago.

A watercolor of Mendocino by A. Stump 1994.

How we came to live here full-time and eventually moved to Portland is another story, but one story stays the same. Mendocino is the longest I have lived anywhere in my entire life, and coming back here always feels like coming home, a true coming home.

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