“Remembering that I’ll be dead soon is the most important tool I’ve ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything – all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure – these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.

“Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life Don’t be trapped by dogma – which is living with the result of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.”

“Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish.”

STEVE JOBS

(As a note, my three children gave me this to me when my mother became terminal and was at our home under hospice care. I have had it hanging in my studio since that day.)

This weekend I took the most incredible workshop on Annie Sloan’s Chalk Paint and its uses. A California stockist, Anne Skougard and the mini stockist, Kari Saupstad led the workshop and inspired us all. The creative possibilities of this paint are vast. It is simply an amazing paint. I arrived home filled with so many ideas and thoughts, I could barely sleep last night. I nearly got up to start a painting project.

The paint colors in this sample that I painted nearly match the vintage toile I used as a backdrop. Many of the colors in the toile match the colors in the sample. I love the idea of the two playing off each other and enhancing the strength of each.

Awhile back I posted some photos of this silk fabric that I stenciled. I loved the process, but not the paint. Now I want to try Annie’s Chalk Paint on some of my collection of textiles. I think it would be the perfect paint for this.

I purchased some really wonderful stencils while I was at the workshop and if anyone is interested, they can be found here.

This week I am going to experiment with the possibilities of this technique. I will be posting some photos here when I finish a few designs.

Friday, the 27th, was my birthday. As I was to spend the day alone, and not looking forward to this, I decided to travel to Seattle to see an exhibit that I had read about and knew was ending soon. So I made the drive on the 26th, spent the night and took in the museum the next day. It was absolutely AMAZING!! And I am so happy that I made the effort to go see it. Sometimes in life, it takes extra effort and inconvenience to do something, but if it is rare and special and promises inspiration, I will often go to the trouble to engage myself.

Let me tell you about the artist, Nick Cave who is responsible for these creations and this exhibit of “Soundsuits”. He calls himself “trans-artist working between sculpture, installation, performance, video, designed objects and fashion.” Since 1989 he has taught at the School of the Art Institute of Chicago and is currently Chairman of the Fashion Department. His vision, talent, deep and ever-evolving insight and self-expression is so impressive and for me, very touching and real and absolutely magical.

Nick has performed around the world in his Soundsuits, and in one room of the museum are three screens showing Nick dancing and performing in his creations. I had a hard time sitting still. I wanted to get up and dance around with him in my common and boring street clothes. If only I could have donned one of his Soundsuits and let go of all inhibitions and just been truly my dancing, hidden vibrant self for one moment in time!

We were not allowed to take photographs, so disappointing as the Soundsuits were beyond anything you could ever imagine, spectacular! But as I sat on a bench in this one room, trying to not get up and join the dance on the screens, I took out my cell phone and clicked a few images of that moment in time……that very, very special moment in time.

Here is what Nick Cave says about the Soundsuits: “What is interesting about wearing these pieces is that your identity is erased. The sense of freedom and independence is so extraordinary – and the sense of allowing yourself to be that much more expressive.”

Of course, I have always known what is wrapped up in the clothes we wear, how we present ourselves to the world, what we convey. Are we sheep? Are we original? Are we in touch with exactly who we are? And if we know who we are, do we know from one day to the next how this idea will or can change? If only I owned a variety of Soundsuits!

But for Nick Cave, the embodiment of a Soundsuit is a magnification of so much more than any transitory experience. He says, “I am interested in working with objects that are taken for granted, laughed at or deemed less precious, yet have a certain insignificance in themselves….I was raised with a single mother and seven brothers; we all had hand-me-downs, there was not a lot in terms of surplus or art supplies.” He goes on to say, “I was always working with found materials….somehow you have to create your own identity through dress—-I might cut off the sleeves of a shirt or make a substitute for a pair of pants. You have to find your own voice in an environment that is limited in terms of resources.”

I spent nearly four hours watching, reflecting, going back viewing, and writing in this notebook thoughts I had, things I was reading, and quotes from Nick Cave. To say I was moved and caught up in the whole stage and theater of it is an understatement. It was, for me, an interactive exhibit. I could not tear myself away. When I went to the gift shop to buy the catalog of the exhibit, I was told that it had already sold out. Later, when I tried to order it from Amazon, I was informed that they were having to do another printing. I am not the only one with strong emotions over this art by Nick Cave. I think we all want to dance in the streets in our own unique Soundsuits, although many, maybe the majority, would never want to admit this fantasy. I think we would all be healthier human beings if we could embrace this individual dance of life.

When I was getting my degree in English, I had to take a literary criticism course and was introduced to the writings of Michel Foucault, the French philosopher. In the exhibit was a quote from him that seems to explain why people are so drawn to the fantastic elements and drama of this exhibit. Foucault says, “I dream of a new age of curiosity. We have the technical means for it; the desire is there; the things to be known are infinite; the people who can employ themselves at this task exist. Why do we suffer? From too little – from channels that are too narrow, skimpy, quasi-monopolistic, insufficient. There is no point in adopting a protectionist attitude, to prevent ‘bad’ information from invading and suffocating the ‘good’. Rather we must multiply the paths and the possibility of comings and goings.”

These Soundsuits are described as “full-body masks that release the wearer (actual or illusory) from his day-to-day reality, allowing him [or her sic] to inhabit another, very different one.”

Essentially Nick Cave “invites us to dance, play, and to dream with the empowerment of expressive transformation.”

For some reason, I have never been a huge fan of the desert. Maybe it is the heat and the lack of shade or lush foliage that leaves me feeling parched, both physically and spiritually. However, having spent two nights there on Thursday and Friday, I have come away with new awareness and appreciation. My father always loved the desert, particularly in the spring when it was in bloom. He made annual treks to see the colors and the flowers and listen to the voices there that called him, the ones only he heard, the ones that carried him into the deeper recesses of his complex mind. He always came away refreshed and renewed. Now I think I was introduced to his appreciation the last few days.

The sky has a deep and penetrating blue as it becomes the backdrop for the sharp contrast of the red and stark sandstone. When I think of the desert, too, I am reminded of Georgia O’Keeffe and her love of the stark desert beauty around Taos, New Mexico where she lived and painted. And for me, part of the awareness and appreciation of the colors and textures are the same elements that I employ when I am thinking of creating a cloth design or imagining space and how something needs to be left open to chance and surprise, like the face of these desert mountains.

One morning we decided to climb Camelback Mountain in Echo Canyon in Phoenix. Phoenix is supposed to have the best urban hiking in the country, a fact that surprised me because I always boasted that we had this claim in Portland, Oregon. We had no idea what we were getting into with this hike. The stairs at the trailhead seemed harmless, so we ventured up, eager and ready for some good morning exercise. The elevation is 2,704 feet above sea level and the elevation gain is about 1,200 feet. It is all layered sandstone with plenty of rocks and boulders to climb over and around.

Some of the trail is so steep that there is a cyclone fence lining the edge as well as a metal handrail that you use to pull yourself up and higher to the next level. We went up the Summit Trail at the beginning of the Echo Canyon Park.

When we climbed up past this area, I turned around to see where we had been and took this photo. At this point, my husband was taking every step with great precaution because of his inability to use his left arm and shoulder from his surgery. At this point, he was regretting the climb, not wanting to re-injure his shoulder and begin the process of healing all over again.

I was loving the climbing and pulling up and over the rocks, the strenuous task of the journey. About halfway up the climb, we stopped to talk to a man about our age and he told us about this 80+ year old man at the summit named “Sonny” who climbed Camelback three times a day, 6 days a week for a total of 80,000 times to his calculation. Within 15 minutes we ran into him as he was on his way down. I asked, “Are you Sonny?” He was wiry, tan, and about 5’6” tall. When he confirmed his identity, I told him that we had heard about him. He merely smiled and clambered down over more rocks on the steep trail down. I love running into people like this. How inspiring!

Most of the hikers on the trail were fairly young, the majority in their twenties. I hope they all use Sonny as a role model as they age into their senior years.

We took the Cholla Trail down on the other side making the round trip around 3 miles. Now I am ready to go back to more of this desert urban hiking.

There was a shop in town that sold red dirt shirts. It looked just like the colors of the sandstone and this red dirt was used to dye this clothing. I loved the deep, rich color and immediately thought of the blue sky and then the turquoise jewelry that mimics this blue so beautifully.

Almost two weeks ago, my husband and I left on a flight to Alexandria, Virginia. We were finally meeting a new grandson and welcoming back a son and his family from Germany. We had such a memorable and wonderful time seeing our two grandchildren and catching up with news and life. One of the days I had some free time, so I took the metro over to The Textile Museum in Washington DC. I had been there previously about six years ago and found it to be worthy of time well-spent. It is also housed in the most beautiful building in a picturesque part of the city.

When you walk in the front door, this is the garden that you see directly in the back. This could be England or France. Impeccably maintained, it is a museum not to be missed.

Even the bathroom is stenciled with textile terms. Everything in this building is a textile lover’s paradise.

I keep up with their ongoing special exhibits, and I was not going to miss the opportunity of seeing this one, “Colors of the Oasis: Central Asian Ikats”. The dates of this exhibit are October 16,2010 through March 13, 2011. If you are anywhere near the area, it is well worth the effort to see this amazing, colorful exhibit. It features a collection given to The Textile Museum by collector Murad Megalli that includes nineteenth-century Central Asian ikat “robes for men and women and women’s dresses and pants, as well as cradle covers, hanging and fragments.” I have to say that it was absolutely breathtaking to walk into the rooms and see these pieces displayed against midnight blue walls. The designs and colors of these pieces just popped. I wanted to take photos, but of course it was prohibited.

As a note to this exhibit, I read that Murad Megalli was killed in a plane crash on February 4, 2011 just as this exhibit was nearing its ends. What a legacy he left behind and how generous was his gift to The Textile Museum.

I purchased the book because this is subject matter I find so fascinating to study, the history of the area, its people, the textiles, and the beauty and dedication of this magical craft of ikat dyeing and weaving. And the colors are so rich and captivating. The exhibit also coincided with another post I did on Russian textiles, as many of the linings of these robes come from Russia. This is the book that describes these textiles that were used, and they displayed a copy of this book by Susan Meller along side the featured exhibit book.

The second exhibit is one that is near and dear to many of us who write blogs about using and reusing clothing and textiles, “Second Lives: the Age-Old Art of Recycling Textiles”. When I entered this room, I just wanted to spend luxurious time here taking in all the beauty of the stitching and the old and loved and well-worn recycled pieces. However, the museum was about to close and so my fifteen minutes here were rather hurried. The flyer says the exhibit will last through January of 2012, but the newsletter says this exhibit ends July 10, 2011. Either way, there is plenty of time to see this if you are anywhere near the area in the next four months.

The hanging panel that is featured on the cover of the brochure is truly such an amazing piece. It is from Central Asia, Uzbekistan, 1850-1900 and features the most incredible collection of remnants, silk ikats and printed cottons from Russia. There are 35 squares separated by borders of repeated black and brown triangles. At first I thought this was a quilt but there is no evidence of quilting, and they name it a “panel”. But it is based on the nine patch with borders and then separated by these wonderful pieced triangle strips.

This is one of those pieces that I could stand in front of indefinitely in order to absorb all the prints and weavings of the various and most beautiful pieced textiles.

Back on the street, I had to ask myself, “Did I just die and go to heaven?” Boarding the metro and being in the crunch of the rush hour commuters brought me quickly back to reality. And isn’t this why we visit museums of art we love? It gives a chance to remove ourselves from the routine of everyday living and for a brief moment in time visit another world of beauty and culture.

For more information on this exhibit as well as others, you can visit their website here. Another exhibit I would love to see that starts April 16 and runs through September 11, 2011 is “Green: the Color and the Cause”. It “will explore the techniques people have devised to create green textiles, the meanings this color has held in cultures across time and place, and the ways that contemporary textile artists and designers are responding to concerns about the environment. Textiles from the museum’s permanent collection will be complemented by the work of a selection of contemporary international artists and designers.”

About a week ago, I was roaming around the internet viewing blogs and allowing myself simple entertainment. I came across the blog of Ann Wood. It is worth a visit when you have time. In November, Ann visited the Fortuny Showroom in NYC, and she may collaborate with this company and use their incredible fabrics to make some of her designs. How exciting for her and what a perfect match for her creations and the textiles. I am hoping this becomes a reality. I would greatly anticipate Fortuny in her designs.

I have featured these pieces in another post, but while I talk about Ann I thought I would show them again in order for you to connect with her inspiration. Unfortunately, I do not have any photos that I could share with you or articles about her, but if you go to her site you will be so amazed. She uses old and shredded and worn antique clothing, deconstructs them and saves what she can to use in her birds, spiders, and owls. On one post, she hung one of the most beautiful antique dresses and featured the fragility and beauty of its state before she cut into it to salvage the elements, buttons, lace, trims, and other silks and cottons and linens. These photos are works of art in her suggestion of ephemeral beauty and a once elegant past.

I believe she lives near NYC and has the most amazing apartment that she shares photos of in one of her posts. I love the fact that she uses old bits and pieces of clothing and gives them new life in the most creative and wonderful way. She is certainly one to watch in the future.

Recently I was reading another blog (and that is another subject for another post), and came across a reference from Twyla Tharp’s wonderful and inspiring book, The Creative Habit. I am devouring the book a second time. Every morning, before my walk, I sit down with a cup of coffee and Twyla. I write in another journal the things that inspire me while I read as well as some of the ideas and quotes from the book.

It has been my habit for years to write my name and the date when I finish a book, just to help me recall when or sometimes if I had read it. Once in a while, not too often, I will go back and re-read a book. When I do, I find all kinds of ideas and inspirations that seem new to me. Did I forget or did I grow in such a way that I see things differently now? I think it is a combination of both, but I did not recall the excitement that I have now in this second reading. I highly recommend this book.

This photo was taken in Massena, New York when I was probably three. It has the seeds of my creative DNA. I see them loud and clear. Whenever I am doubtful about who I am or what matters to me, I go and look at this picture, and it clearly spells things out to me. My mother used to tell me a story when I reached adulthood, a story she often repeated, about my love of dolls, but not just any doll. When I was very young and would be given a doll as a gift, I would pick it up and stare at the face for the longest time. If I did not like what I saw there I would put it down and never touch it again. If I liked the expression I would carry the doll around until it fell apart.

I would venture to say that Twyla would call this my “creative hard-wiring or personality.” For me it is all in the details, the look, the touch, the color, the mood, the gesture. It simply has to fit some preconceived notion. Period. I am drawn to details, quiet, solitude, controlled stimulation, and lots of color.

I bought this teacup a number of years ago at an antique show. It was a bargain because of its slight crack and no saucer to set it in. It was love at first sight. I stare at it often. It gives me joy and inspiration. It is like the doll’s face. I never tire of reaching out for it and filling me up with good things, things I care about and love.

All of this really boils down to some thoughts I would like to share here about why I sometimes am a reluctant blogger. I like the medium but sometimes I find it a little overwhelming and challenging. I don’t like being pinned down sometimes either. I started blogging originally to share creative ideas and find others that I could connect with in this domain. After nearly three years (I had one year with another account), I discovered it had slowly become a very personal journal. Did I want this?

Did I really want to look inside myself and share all the details that I discovered there, good and bad. I don’t think so, not really, but how was I to be authentic without being raw and completely open for all the world to see? Sometimes I would awaken in the night and be aghast at something I had written or expressed. In the morning, it would not seem all that bad, but then I wondered how I could discern what was appropriate to disclose and what details of my life did I really want to share?

Essentially, I am a very introspective and quiet and thoughtful person. I love my time alone. I treasure it. Growing up my mother always wanted me to be social and a joiner. I had to be in the choir, pageant, girl’s club, and church youth group and later other organizations she deemed important. It was not who I was. My creative DNA was in the details I found around me and the beauty of nature and the profound and rich love I found in pets. I was a solitary traveler. I could have been a park ranger if I had sewing projects to keep me going in the long stretches of quiet.

I love to focus on one thing and glean what I can from it. Distractions are my number one enemy. If I am hauled away, I have a hard time returning to the point where I was in the moment of that concentration. Twyla says the two detriments to creativity are distractions and fears. Absolutely. So back to blogging….I fear exposure and the time I spend in this space is often my distraction. I found I was spending two and a half hours some mornings visiting other blogs and commenting or responding to comments on my blog. Suddenly my time was less for creative hours spent in solitude and more about keeping up with a social network. What was I to do?

I think since I am so drawn to detail that it is hard for me to sit down and respond sometimes to others on a regular basis because it takes an overwhelming amount of energy. I think this is also why I cannot enter a room full of people and not feel anxiety. I am hard-wired for one-on-one relationships and spaces between my effort to connect. I have to honor this. I simply have to finally recognize that I am not the typical blogger or emailer or internet person. I need lots and lots of time to restore my energy in order to reconnect and be social again. The world is too fast, too full of stimulation and energy. I need to rest in the quiet details and find solace and peace and restorative balm before I can be in the crowd again or the blogging world.

I can stay here at mendofleur if I am honest with myself, that sometimes I may respond to comments when I have the stamina for it. I will often visit other blogs and not leave comments, and I think that is alright too. Blogging etiquette requires rules for which I cannot always adhere. These are just some of my thoughts about my dilemma in this space. I long to have more hours in the day for actual creative work, and if I don’t get it, I feel depressed and frustrated. I want to live in the beauty of details and quiet moments every single day that I can manage. So I am going to try and be present in my own way at this medium. I am hoping it becomes more focused on my creative output versus my personal life. That is really my goal and wish. I simply do not want anyone to be hurt or offended if I sometimes seem absent. We are all hard-wired in our own and unique ways, and I am going to try and give myself the gift of creative time and solace in 2011.

Today I decided to leave all worries and concerns behind me and head to Elaine Falbo’s felting class. Elaine was the one who made my felted white bird ornament and she does amazing things, including some fairy furniture that I have.

For all that I learned in one session it was a bargain. And it was such fun to leave the house and hang out with a bunch of enthusiastic and creative women.

Elaine provided all the wool as well as the felting block and the needles.

For inspiration, one of the women brought in a mouse in a shoe, something she had purchased awhile back from Elaine.

Her studio/shop has a certain magic to it. I have a hard time concentrating when I go in there because there is so much to see in all the nooks and crannies.

This is Elaine gathering up some wool to divide and share. She is such a marvelous person, very caring and generous.

I love the creative energy that is conveyed in this photo. It was so much fun being in a room with bundles of new ideas and everyone talking and laughing and eating chocolate mini-heart mints. Heaven.

Two of the women let me photograph their birds. They look like they are two buddies off to some rock concert. All the birds had such unique characteristics and personalities, reflected, of course, by all the individual women in the class.

This is my little bird, off in flight.

I think he is not very old even though he looks fully developed.

He is still finding his wings.

The gift arrived this afternoon from Jude. What a thrill to actually see and touch her creation. There is so much of her magical, generous, intelligent, and loving spirit in this piece. I have watched Jude for a long time create these pieces, but to actually be able to hold and see her work, firsthand, is simply amazing and inspiring at the same time. This piece will be cherished, not just at Christmas, but all through the year. Thank you Jude!

I have been all over the map it seems in the last month. Traveling is part of my life on a regular basis, endless road trips real and imagined. This photo was taken coming back from Northern California in an area that has large numbers of Roosevelt elk. I never tiring of viewing them so whenever we travel though this area I always manage to go very slowly and sometimes stop.

This particular afternoon a large herd was crossing the highway, and we all waited patiently while they crossed the road in front of us.

A few days after arriving home we boarded a train to Northern Washington to visit my husband’s brother and wife in the town of Mt Vernon. This is a view from the train with the Olympic Mountains in the background.

On the other side to the east were the Cascades.

These are the geese that winter in the Skagit Valley near the town a little farther north where Deb Gorr lives. She lives in a beautiful area of the country. This valley is really quite magical.

The next day after returning from this trip I headed to Southern California and took a photo of the beach at sunset while strolling with little Lincoln.

As I turned around I saw the sun glowing on this beautiful plant in full bloom.

No matter where one is in life, whatever the circumstance, however one views the glass full or empty, there is less madness and more comfort sometimes in the beauty of nature, its unfolding, nuances, and sometimes dramatic changes. It always seems to give a measure of peace as well as pleasure. I reside here in both real and imagined ways. So when the holiday season often seems too much for our endurance, there is always the sustenance of nature that can transform our minds and hearts.