I just returned to Portland last night. I was awakened early this morning at 5:15 to the stream of light coming through the bedroom window. Then I remembered how much further north Portland is than Mendocino, and it gets lighter here so much earlier. Willie, my youngest kitty, decided it was time to get up too as he came and stretched over me and stared into my eyes. I acquiesced and headed down the stairs to make coffee, feed the cats, and bring in the morning paper. I have much to think about now that I am home.
I listened to an audio of Phyllis Theroux’s book, The Journal Keeper on the trip back to Oregon yesterday. It gave me many things to think about as I drove. For one, I have a very full life the next few months. I am trying to get a small business launched, my lampshades. I also have another grandchild on the way, a grandson due the end of July. And I have agreed to take care of our three grandchildren for several weeks in July before the new grandbaby arrives. In the meantime, we have two sets of company coming for visits as well as the garden here that now needs much work. I am feeling overwhelmed.
So as I was listening to this wise, tender, and thoughtful reading of this book by Phyllis, I was thinking a great deal about my own life and how much I am yearning for more time in my life to do the things that I love most: reading, sewing, and gardening. I have found, increasingly less time for all of these. It has become a daily frustration. At my age and place in my life, I thought I would have lots of time for all of these things, that somehow life would slow down a little and there would be more balance for the passions that restore and define me. Alas, it has not been the case, especially as of late.
I long for a contemplative life. I realized I am a little like Phyllis Theroux in that regard. When I do not have time for quiet and thoughtful and solitary pursuits, I come a little unglued. My husband made a comment to me a few days ago. He said, “Do you know what your affliction is? Your brain races faster than your body can keep up.” I think this is true, but I also believe that because of this I need more space to be off by myself, to collect my thoughts and organize them. I crave solitude sometimes in a way that many people might crave company.
I have to admit, blogging has really been absorbing much of my time, and when I am not posting or visiting and commenting on other blogs, I am feeling a little burdened with guilt. I have tried to reason that this is not the way to maintain a blog with this obligatory sense, but I simply cannot get beyond that feeling of responsibility for it. Therefore, I am not altogether sure if I will carry on with this avenue of expression. I am going to give myself a little time to think this over before I make any decision. However, I will more than likely not be present here for awhile until I figure this out. I have loved the interaction with everyone, but I now need some time to explore just what it is I need to do with this communication in the future. I hope everyone will understand my dilemma. In due time, I will return with some thoughts and some kind of a resolution. May all of you have a very special Mother’s Day weekend.
Blogs can take over one’s life. But there is no need to feel you need to entertain or inform us except when you feel a wish to do so.
There are other things in life that take precedence.
Quality, not quantity, eh?
We all have to do some prioritizing in our life…to draw lines…I sure do understand.
I understand the feeling…
I am at a crossroads where I must pick and choose
what I will do very carefully.
I get up really early…sometimes as much as two hours…just
so I can blog and post things!
I know you will make the right decision for you : )
<3
I, also, thought that once I had sold my business that I would have so much time on my hands. But no.
I do enjoy the way you present ideas and I would really miss it. But the life that most of us want does require a slowness and time to think. I try to do this on my walks with the dogs but really they are distracting as well. Also,I do not go into great depths in my blogs because I don’t want to expose to many nerves. Maybe that is not how to do it. But it does give me some exposure for what I am tying to do in this “now” life.
I used to spend a lot of time working on posting but I came to the conclusion that the sweetness of life has to also include the here and now. And if the “here and now” was being with my grandchildren, then the blog would have to wait.
Maybe it could be an avenue for your lampshades?
Happy Mother’s Day and thank you for the lovely post.
You do have a full plate. It stands to reason you will have to do some rearranging in your life.
While I love your posts I must admit I understand.
Do the things you best love and all will be well.
enjoy the way you choose to go. and then it will be ok. that last photo is outrageous.
Boy, we bloggers are a bunch of kindred spirits. We are always searching for the solitude that others find lonely aren’t we. Blessings to you on your journey and I’ll be around when you come back(although having some blogging problems of my own lately for much the same reasons).
Oh my, this really speaks to me! I had such a hectic week that I could not get to any blogs to comment and I have felt very guilty about that. I do totally understand. Of course, I selfishly hope you will find a way to add a post every now and then . . . I am finding that posting once a week is better for me, although I could not even do that much recently. Maybe once a month would be better still. I have not figured out yet what works best for me, and don’t even know in what direction I am going. But I think you said it perfectly when you said “I long for a contemplative life.” Yes. I would like to find a way to make my little blog a place for contemplation. I must think deeply about what you have said here. That book The Journal Keeper looks wonderful. Bless you, bless you, whatever you decide!! xo Kari
I have been blogging for almost five years. I have learned to blog for myself…the few very special friends that I have made through blogging and as a journal of my life…and hopefully as a legacy for my Son and Grandchildren.
My blog will probably never be wildly popular and that is OK with me. I treasure the visits and comments that I get from special people like you.
Several years ago I decided that these years would be for family…my parents are elderly 86 and 95…I take them to Dr.’s and do the shopping for them etc. They are able to live in their own house because of the help that my husband and I give them. We moved to this area to be able to do this.
I also visit my children in Europe and anticipate their visits to us.
When I have time I do my art…stolen moments:) and do a little blogging and visit blogs.
Be kind to yourself…the pursuit of perfection is a hard road to travel…I know I have been down that road many times.
The older I get the more I am able to avoid that road.
I am happy to be able to visit when you are here…I can wait…it gives me a chance to catch up on the posts that I missed
I think we need to find out why we blog. Are we looking for the “numbers”, or is it a place where we can put our thoughts out into the universe, and maybe find a kindred spirit? I too have felt guilty for not posting more often, but lately I’ve decided that I just don’t need “another thing to do”, and isn’t guilt just a useless emotion. If I post, I post, if I don’t, I don’t. Enjoy your day, accomplish what you can, the rest will come.
I definitely do not think it is a numbers issue. That would be so superficial and meaningless I think. For me it is more important to share some thoughts, to fine a kindred soul that might feel a little as I do on some issue or feeling or passion. Also I don’t think it should be a place to harbor guilt….ever. If that is the case then we should simply stop the momentum. I have come to all of this slowly. What I have found is that it is most important to balance this social connection into a life that is also sometimes a little crazy and often fatigued. I do think, also that every other person that blogs in this way feels so much the same way as I do. We want to connect, but we all know that there is only so much time for this. When it feels good, we post. When life is too much with us, I think we all tend to retreat into solitude and self-nurturing.