A tiny sand dollar, a drop of sand, a vast ocean, a moment of grace. My morning walk on the beach began with questions and ended with the phrase “live and let live”. Sometimes in life we choose paths that seem obscure to others. And sometimes we find ourselves feeling small and alone in our quest for meaning and purpose within these choices.
We have a young couple visiting us, and they have struggled with my vegan diet and animal rights standards. I never discuss this with anyone or preach to others about this. But I also feel others should respect my right to choose. Their obsession with my lifestyle finally ended last night with my feeling exasperated and hurt, and I finally confronted one of them about the interrogation. There was no explanation offered. Curiosity untempered by sensitivity was all I could manage to conclude.
A few posts back I quoted from Susan B. Anthony, and her feelings about choosing a path that was difficult and standing by this belief amidst negativity and challenge. I am just one person in a sea of many, but my choices have as much merit and consideration as another persons. This tiny sand dollar is really a fine metaphor. It doesn’t take up much space, but if you look closely it becomes complex and worthy and meaningful. It illuminated my thinking this morning, and yes, it had the ability to offer me that rare moment of grace.
oh my-i think perhaps “young” is the key word. i’ve found that as i get older (and hopefully wiser) i worry much less about “what other people are doing, thinking, ect”. obviously this young couple has way too much time on their hands-otherwise they would not have the very bad manners to impose their unwanted comments on choices that are none of their business.
hopefully their visit is ending soon-do they know that rude guests are generally not invited back?
Yes, I agree. “Young” seems to qualify this behavior. More and more my goal is to get to a point where I do not worry, as well, what others think, say, or do. I try and remind myself that I only have control over my behavior and to waste energy trying to influence others is really futile. They leave tomorrow morning. Whew.
perhaps – although they did not approach it particularly well or gracefully – their curiousity has been piqued and it will be food for thought (no pun intended). your commitment to your belief may be the beginning of them starting to think about it themselves – although in the moment they could not articulate what it is they wanted to know, and it was uncomfortable and hurtful to you. i have been in both positions (yours and them) and i look back with some horror at some of my more gauche moments – but treasure them still as moments when i started to grow.
Such fine wisdom you imparted. Growing is often painful or at least uncomfortable. And at any age it is something we do. It has been a lesson for me as well. I tend to let things fester and become larger than they should by not facing or confronting the issue sometimes. My speaking up was foreign to my usual way of handling such an experience. So in my discomfort I faced the issue and cleared the air. I guess we will all grow from an experience of unease. And next time I will speak up instead of choose silence and resentment.
oddly enough i had a spell recently with a member of my own family and i thought we agreed on everything but obviously it is more like nothing. i agree with paula. now i am thinking.
Oh the complexities of family. We all get to a point of conflict. But now I believe feelings are hurt when there is a lack of discernment. I guess some people simply don’t think before they open their mouths sometimes. “Better to be thought a fool then open your mouth and remove all doubt”. Hope you resolved your family issue. These are the messiest to deal with for sure.
Such a hard space to be in. I too agree with Paula. Sometimes I think there are some people (of all ages) that are at their least sensitive and understanding when they are starting to question their own beliefs and they are confronted by someone who is strongly committed to what they believe. Doesn’t make it less painful for you though….
I think I might be getting a little crusty around the edges for protection when it comes to this subject and any exposure. How nice though to get such warm and caring responses from people as you. I think it is a way of learning as we go along.
Its a funny old world we live in, so many choices we could make, and even the choice whether to make choices!! I sincerely think that those who chose not to make choices are not taking any responsibility for the microcosm that is themselves or the macrocosm of cultural happenings and global issues. This, oddly enough, seems to make them feel entitled to lash out or feel their bland ‘go with the flow’ lifestyles threatened in some way by those that dare to question things as basic as the way we eat, and the way we farm.
I am sure your young friends have had a wee grain of an idea planted deep within them as a result of your choices and example, and as they begin to mature and grow up, they may begin to see where you are coming from, I hope! Take care, and stay strong! xx
Your carefully wrought wisdom on this subject was very illuminating and true. I know we all face so many difficult choices in this world these days. And you are so right that making a choice amidst all the choices or even whether to make one at all indeed complicates our lives. My guess is that the people who read this blog and others of a similar genre are like-minded people, and it is really such a comforting thing to know that we are pretty much on the same page in terms of our integrity and visions. What did women do before blogging??? How I wish I had access to this format when my children were all small and I felt isolated as a stay-at-home mom. It would have given my world a whole new perspective. Thank you for your caring.
How very difficult. As I get older, I find that I am more accepting of other’s foibles (I am not saying that about being a vegan) and I expect others to accept mine. And I do have a lot of foibles. But as a younger person, the ego seems to need to band to collective thinking as a camoflage for those sensitive areas that are nascent but needing protection. But that is the problem of being young. I am sure I was totally obnoxious with my opinions and attitudes. Hopefully I now stand on surety.
All I can wish for you is that they love you enough to put their attitudes aside.
As Rodney King said “Can’t we all get along?”
Yes! Why “Can’t we all get along?” I also have a lot of foibles! But of course that is what makes us unique and interesting even though sometimes they can be annoying. I actually like these people. They are well read, current, and lively, so perhaps an aggressive countenance is better than pablum. I would rather have the experience of an edge than a yawn. I think the key is really knowing how to handle this with grace and humor, and I tend to take things to heart way too much. That is definitely a foible of mine! Your words were full of great insight and comfort. Reading everyone’s responses confirms in my mind that it really is nice getting older and having a chance to reflect and let go of some things that are really not worthy of much consideration.
I can’t imagine anyone being so crass around you, because you are so gentle. At least that is the feeling I get from your blog. I enjoy a moment of gentle in my day when I come here. [i tend to be loud and boisterous, but have a giant heart]
A giant heart is as special and endearing as a gentle one! You are my alter ego. I am always drawn to people with exuberance and infectious laughter because my own is so quiet. People only know I am laughing by looking at me. The dear aunt I was named for was a personality like yours. People loved being around her because of her outward joy, enthusiasm, and unforgettable laugh. So if you enjoy a gentle fix, I enjoy a giant and boisterous heart. I would say that is true compatibility. Your words touched my heart. Sincerely.
I have been a vegetarian for 25 years now (also for ethical reasons), my husband is a meat and potatoes guy, (but skip the potatoes). He has been amazed at how people have challenged me over the years. I, like you, don’t preach….I let the meat eaters be. However, they were always asking why, saying my answers didn’t make sense, etc. Over the years I’ve gotten less of that. Maybe it’s just people’s way of figuring out something new. Poke at it with a stick and see what happens. On the other hand, my husband, who knows a vegetarian well, was very surprised when we we had dinner with my vegan friend. I guess he expected her to be a radical idiot. He said he was surprised she was so intelligent and well spoken, lol! So maybe your guests were just speaking their prejudice, which of course has no relation to reality. Regardless, as a guest in your home, it was unbelievably rude of them to say anything at all.
I enjoyed learning more about your own experience with this often controversial subject. I do think people assume if you are a vegan then you are somewhat primitive or backward or radical. This is also why I have learned to not debate this or let it become an issue of conversation. Most people find it threatening to even think about the implications of this life choice. I would bet there are vegans or vegetarians throughout history that will never be known or identified for this very reason.
I’m really proud of you! You’ve made a life decision and you’ve lived by it. Sometimes I think people in general look for a reason to get the focus off themselves and place it on someone else. The universe seems just a wee bit funky lately so maybe it was just a universal thing. Too many people with too many questions and no answers so they doubt other people’s answers! Blessings and be happy!
I think you are absolutely right in your comment. The world is a bit funky and sometimes forming opinions is based on tearing apart another person’s beliefs. I guess this is why it is important to make sure that a belief is rock-solid before one holds true to it. Being a part of a minority is a strange and often icy experience. Your insight was right-on.