This photo was taken up at Mt Tabor yesterday morning after my walk up there. I returned with my camera to take a picture of Mt Hood, and took this as well because it had a certain mood and feel to it. Then late yesterday afternoon a terrific wind came up, the sky became dark and heavy, followed by fierce thunder and lightning and heavy rain. After much heat and humidity, it was a relief. It also seemed a metaphor to my own thinking. After much exhaustion, I am finding relief and an ability to see through to the other side of my thoughts. It is similar to rising above the confusion and giving myself permission to float and sway and glide in the wind.
How did I get here? I arrived home a week ago today feeling good, making lists in order to catch up with those duties of living: pay the bills, plant the remaining vegetables and shrubs and flowers, make many phone calls, clean the litter boxes, buy groceries, wash, dry, fold, and put clothes away, sort the mail, wash my car, catch up with emails, etc., etc. Finally on Sunday it all seemed too much, but Monday I kept on with the list. I still had not gotten down to any creative work. By Tuesday I was resentful and exasperated, and on Wednesday, I tossed the list on the table, left the wet clothes in the washer and the dry clothes in the dryer and descended the stairs to the finished basement where my workspace is, and decided to ignore everything else but the creative calling. My worktable was piled high and needed cleaning before I could lay my Tribute piece out. So I began the process of sorting. My mind was too fried for decisions, so I simply picked up my hand piecing, walked into the other room and sat on the sofa to stitch. Within less than five minutes my oldest cat, Sam, was getting cozy and settled on my lap. He purred and snored while I stitched and meditated and restored some balance.
I am not sure how others deal with the complex issue of finding creative time. I posted on this earlier to see, but only a few could find the time to respond. I understand. It is not getting older that bothers me. What concerns me is letting my days, months, and remaining years dissipate in a morass of meaningless detail and robotic routine that spells out waste and loss and superficial motion. It is the treadmill of duty and loss of sacred creative space that sets my nerves on edge. I want to change this paradigm in my life. And change only comes through breaking down barriers, mentally and physically. I am determined once and for all to figure this out today, not tomorrow, and then finally sticking to this creative time schedule. It simply is necessary for my existence, as important as food, water, and exercise.
When I was away I read M. Joan Lintault’s book, and her words convey some of the urgency I feel.
“The process of art is made not from flashes of inspirations but from the sum of one’s experiences and influences, from slow, laborious work and unsparing self-criticism.”
“Art can’t be caught like the measles or come like a gift of divine grace. You can’t sit around waiting for your muse. She must be actively pursued. For each person the path will be different. Your must get yourself going”
“Above all create every day.”
M. Joan Lintault: Connecting Quilts, Art, and Textiles
Copyright 2007
‘Food, water and exercise’ – creativity is right at the top, it is the only thing that stops our lives from being humdrum and meaningless. Somehow, though, there never seem to be enough hours in the day to fullfil all the duties, obligations and chores that are connected with the carrying out of the first three things above, no matter how determined we are to keep back quality time fo creative enterprises.
A while ago, I was severly troubled by the same thoughts as you, as the ‘humdrum’ seemed to be taking over my life, leaving me little time to be me, I was either too depressed and apathetic, or too angry and resentful in the short periods where I had time, but now no inclination to create.
What to do. I thought about it long and hard, there had to be a way to restore the balance. Then it slowly dawned on me, the answer had been there all the time, it just needed to be put into place! I learned slowly to take real, genuine creative pleasure in EVERYTHING I did, even the chores, so that even the most humdrum became meaningfull, even joyful in some way, but I also prioritised, so that some jobs either had to go, or like housework, were only tackled when really necessary! I have learned to live in a bit more of a jumble, a messy house full of textiles, but with piles of character, and breathing with inspirationa nd creativity! I am mostly happy in what I do, be it the washing up, cooking, shopping, or researching and collating textiles which for me, is my creative buzz. Now my life feels full of creativity nearly all the time. It never seems hard to ‘get myself going’, or ‘actively pursue my muse’, as She is always here, even during the most routine of chores, always inspiring me! I tried and failed to timetable in space to create, but now flow from one thing to another as the mood/demands of our modern society takes me, and I have found much more satisfaction in the passing of time, as I resent very little of what has to be done, and spend a lot of time doing what I really want to do!
I send you warm wishes, and hope that you manage to find your way through this personal challenge. All for now, take care, Lois xx
After reading your thoughtful comment, I was reminded of that saying “can’t see the forest for the trees”. It is just before me, and I am completely missing the point. Yes, now I am really seeing through. I think the other idea that comes to mind is to always be present in everything you do. I truly have lost sight of this. I am so obsessed with compartmentalization that I have lost much of the joy in pure living I guess. How sad. Folding clothes does not have to be mundane. It can be a time to be meditative and peaceful, to let the muse play in your head, to glide and sway as birds do. When I read your description of your “messy house full of textiles, but with piles of character, and breathing with inspiration and creativity” I thought how perfect! How wonderful! And it also reminded me of some of the most inspirational rooms in the World of Interiors, my favorite magazine. My youngest daughter who does commercial design says she is suspicious or rooms that are too perfect, that if you cannot see or imagine a few dusty books or table tops, then the room isn’t real. I think you definitely have discovered the secret that I am missing and not seeing in my life. I keep wanting to rise up from this muddled thinking of mine and get to your elevated and healthy viewpoint. Thank your for this great insight and for taking the time and effort to share with me and others. There is much to value and remember.
well lois has said a lot of what i am thinking. but most of all i find it unnecessary to separate creating from living in general. it is frustrating when you feel what you want is just a step away. a creative life is one that has shaped itself over time. like any other habit it makes its own space in what you do. it is an addiction that cannot be denied. and so i think you start small and if it is what you love it will over take other activities.
in my case…every sitting moment is a stitching moment. i started sewing on my commute and then it moved into every thinking moment was a what if.
and i have a very messy house. i got rid of a lot so i needed to clean less. ha!
As Lois has said and you have confirmed, I do think that life needs to be seamless (but full of stitches!). Yes it is so true that “a creative life is one that has shaped itself over time,” but I particularly like the idea of it as a concept of being a space that fits in with the flow of other things (habits) and rhythms in living. I think also that I am a l little concerned with duty and shoulds, and so starting to reform this conformity is a way to start small and give myself permission to be more free in my mind. Yes, my house is becoming messier too. I am learning to see all the books and fabric and magazines and stuff as a sign of a creative mind, and somewhere in all those heaps in that muse too! This helps a lot. Thanks for you always worthy wisdom. I find much to absorb from your blog too.
Have to agree with Lois and Jude. Also, I’ve moved my sewing machine and art materials that I use regularly into my living room. I have this huge space upstairs that I intended to be my “studio” but the dogs can’t climb the stairs (super steep) and I found that I felt guilty leaving them downstairs.
Also (and I’ve struggled with this a lot), I’ve come to realize that I need time to be creative more than I need a busy social life. I really should reorganize that space upstairs so that I could have a roommate, but I know this would also distract me too. I spend 8 to 9 hours a day being needed by someone while I am work (and I love my work!) so I guess it’s balance of time spent with others and time alone. Julia Cameron has a section in one of her books about this-about the impact of other people on creative time. Reading her thoughts helped me feel less guilty about my alone time.
This really can be a hard problem to solve…
Oh, and yes, my house is a mess too!
I think I would move my studio things in my main living area too if my pets could not be with me when I was working. My cats are as much a part of my creative work as the textiles are. We are very dependent on one another for care and comfort, so I know exactly what you are thinking about here.
I am glad you brought up the idea of the social life. I have to admit, I have a very low requirement for this life. I like to have a few close friends where there is rich and deep sharing, but I can also be alone most of the time and not feel the need for others. I guess I should read this section in Julia Cameron’s book. Part of my reluctance to be socially involved was the way I was raised. My father had a profession where we always lived in a fishbowl. We had to be careful of all of our actions, our speech, our manners, and we had to be social and nice and happy about being with others continually. So when I became an adult in charge of my own life, I rejected this social obligation and craved time alone without judgment or definition. I am glad to hear your house is messy too because there seems to be a pattern here with that, and I think that is an attribute and key to finding creative time! I am thankful you responded with your always honest countenance and wisdom.
P.S. On the social life thing-the other part of that is having projects that can go with you. My family is used to me dragging along whatever I’m working on.
Funny how I am fighting for this very thing. It feels like I am choking and don’t know how to breathe. I count the days until the weekend, when the time and pace are mine. Hopefully, you and I find a way out of this cloying jungle. it sounds like leaving the clothes wet and dry alone is the only answer. I have ended up wearing all the clothes in my closet before I get down to do the job of washing.
Your photographs are wonderful. the path looks like a way out to the “light” and the birds make me want to fly away. Really good work.
I think that you and I have been given some very rich and thoughtful insight on this particular subject. However, I think your schedule is much more difficult and tight than mine because of the demands of running your own business. I think your struggles are very real. I guess on weekends you must find much to keep you in your creative space whether that be physical or mental. One thing I have noticed about you is that you use your creative time to advantage. You start manageable projects that you are able to finish in a reasonable amount of time, and I think this is key. It allows you to stay present with your creative mind and heart, and therefore, you gain satisfaction and joy in this project time that you reserve for yourself. Perhaps you are even more productive with these weekends because you know this is your sacred time, and I would guess you use it all to your advantage. I tend to wear the same, low maintenance clothing because it requires little thought and give me more time, otherwise, even though I love dressing creatively on occasion. I am hoping you too find this peace that we are both looking for. Meditative sewing for both of us seems essential in order to breathe better and feel more free in our minds. I am here for you if you need to talk more about this.
I came to look at my blog this morning to find the most heartwarming and supportive responses to my post. I feel true friendship from all of you. What intelligence and insight and sensitivity you have all shared. I am deeply touched, very warmed by these connections that I have made. Thank you so very much for taking the time to come back to me with such caring and advice. I will take a little time to respond to each of you, but as a whole, I wanted all of you to know how much I truly treasure your friendship. When I started blogging I had no idea it would be such a rich and worthy connection to others. Thank you!
I feel I will be echoing some of what has already been so eloquently expressed above, but I have now stopped feeling resentful about a lack of creating time, and do as Lois explained, finding something joyous in whatever I am doing. I recognise too that I will never be able to do everything I wish to, but I think it healthy to have a reach that exceeds the grasp . I just recognise it as such these days, but the desire to keep trying to reach keeps me going.
I am also very blessed in having stopped working full time, and having a man who supports me, whilst I in turn look after him. I think of it when the chores seem tedious-because no one is making me do them but me, and if I am doing them I must have chosen to and could also choose to stop.
As for the muse, she lives in my head all the time . Some of my greatest projects will also always remain just in my head where they can be perfect and unspoiled and just the children of my imagination. Sometimes that is sufficient.
Such wisdom you have on this subject. I like this idea too of having “a reach that exceeds the grasp”, to always have some higher goal to anticipate and strive to achieve even though it may never come to fruition. I guess just keeping this close to your heart and in your mind gives one a sense of purpose and joy. I do not work anymore either and for this I feel fortunate as you do. The muse is always present I think for those that are receptive and content, and you are one who seems to have these in your life, not by happenstance, but by choice. I have gleaned much from your thoughtful comments. Thank you for taking the time to share.
i feel like gumby and pokey twisted into one toy, being stretched in all directions! i think i will have to do my needlework when i visit my mom in the nursing home, if i can even get there.
so much for my muse at the moment.
actually i meant to say, how about putting things in a basket to clear off the table to work on? then someday you can go through the basket to put things away, or not, but it will be full of treasure and inspiration. i do this as my ‘putting away’ things.
What a timely image of Gumby and Pokey. Me too. I want to be pokey…slow in motion, but deep in thought.