I have to admit I was not the best mother when it came to teaching my daughters to sew. When there was finally a little free time I would retreat to my numerous sewing projects while they were happy playing with friends or off to bed at last. My sewing room was my retreat, a place to restore my energy and replenish and enhance my creative thoughts. Of my three children, my oldest daughter was the reader. If anyone wondered where she was, you could find her in a corner with a book or nestled in her bed reading. She still reads voraciously. However, when she was anticipating her first born, she bought a cross stitch baby quilt kit. I was pleasantly surprised. Maybe my constant practice of sewing and creating had influenced this bookworm. So this was her finished quilt. When I saw the precise and exacting stitches I thought this girl was a born stitcher!
I still ask myself the question…was it the maternal instinct that set this talent in motion or was she observing me out of the corner of her eye as she finished a paragraph and looked up pondering? I will never know.
She actually decided she did not like the colors of the embroidery floss that came with the kit so she bought a softer pallet. This was over ten years ago. I don’t think she ever went back to cross stitch, but she moved on to knitting and settled beautifully into her element with needlepoint. And she still escapes to read whenever she can. I think we, as mothers, do pass certain skills on to our children without the instructional discipline. One never knows what will come to fruition as they become adults.
I totally agree. We instruct by being an example. At least I hope. I tried to be upright and stand by my philosophy. That sounds so up tight. It was a lot easier and natural than that. I actually believe that if you show “real” love and concern, they will absorb by osmosis what you believe to be good. My son is an amazing artist in a vain of the arts that I never embraced. But he did find his self expression in the arts. That is something that I would wish everyone.
Pat,
I think you are absolutely right. It is better to live your truths than speak them. What a gift that you “gave” you son, the idea that creativity and artistic expression is a balanced way to live even though the arts are not wholly supported by our culture. It is really an existence that takes courage as well as commitment.
they are always watching us. it all shows up sooner or later.
Jude,
For all the ups and downs of parenting, this is a reassuring thought.
Wow Mom. Thanks! I do think watching you all these years made me feel safer exploring that creative part of myself.
Ironically, I have the same hopes about for my own kids, but for me it’s about reading too. For all the reading I’ve done with them over the years, I’ve been told the best way to inspire a love of reading is for them to see you read. Thankfully, THAT is not a struggle.
This morning Gavin was panic stricken looking for the book he’s in the final chapters of completing. As upset as he was trying to find it, part of me was secretly smiling at that all-too-familiar need to get back to a book!
Linsey,
What a nice compliment. Yes, no doubt the reading will be the one gift they will cherish from their mother, and for this you should be proud. I hope Gavin found his book!
I know I learned by watching my mom, and giving me a tips when need be. I think my children learned more from me the same way….including the tips and tricks. The only real lesson was the one about threading the machine and filling a bobbin.
The one thing I can’t get my girls to do is slow down on the sewing machine…it’s zoom or stop, no crawling along…ever. My son sews too, but he knows that crawling has it’s benefits!
I find it so interesting that your girls zoom their way on the sewing machine and your son is more careful, the rabbit versus the hare. What a neat trait that they all sew. I think this is a great skill to learn.
i wonder sometimes if the need to stitch is inherent, rather than learned (coming from a family of non-stitchers). I agree with Linsey about the reading – I have discovered the same, and my daughter who is 4 is very keen on learning to embroider, just from watching me, rather than me suggesting it.
Paula,
I would like to think that the desire to stitch is inherent. It would seem to fit my own inclination. I also think that when children watch out of curiosity and are not pushed into things, it allows them the freedom to choose an interest that is perhaps inherent. Watching a parent read all the time is the best way to encouraging a love of books and reading. Your 4 year old daughter wanting to learn embroidery is quite remarkable.
There are actually studies that backup that children learn by what they see the adults in their life do. That what we do is more powerful than what we say.
Deb,
I really believe this to be true. That just confirms as parents we better be more careful with our choices!
I found your blog on google and read a few of your other posts. I just added you to my Google News Reader. Keep up the good work. Look forward to reading more from you in the future.
Thank you for visiting and your comment. I have been gone, so I apologize for the delay in getting back to you.